“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault
between you and him alone . . .” – Matthew 18:15 (NKJV)
Working out your differences requires a few ground-rules:
1. Clarify the problem.
Make a careful (and prayerful) assessment of how you see things. Is
this a mountain or a molehill? Temporary or long-term? Avoidable or
2. Check your attitude.
Jesus said, “First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you
will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
(Matthew 7:5). Submit your thoughts to God and get His input. When
you’re angry and judgmental, it’s easy to wreak havoc. That kind of
attitude does nothing to restore peace.
3. Carefully consider when and where to meet.
Make sure it’s in private, and at a time neither of you is tired or
rushed. For instance if you’re married to a football fan, don’t try
to hold a meaningful conversation during the game on Sunday afternoon.
4. Communicate your commitment to the relationship.
Let the person know up front how much you value them and that you’re
not issuing ultimatums; you just want to make things better.
5. Contribute healthy dialogue to the conversation.
Avoid polarizing statements like, “You always,” or “You never.” When
you say something important pause and ask, “Do I have my facts
straight, or am I missing
Let’s face it. Sometimes confrontation does end in permanent
division. That’s why Paul said, “If it is possible, as much as
depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” (Romans 12:18). But too
many of us just give up when things get rocky. Relationships are
valuable; they take years to build. That’s why real love hangs in
there and works through them.